Friday

i regret to inform this will be my last post on this blog. truly i enjoyed sharing my thoughts here. this blog remains as my only link to the mistakes i've made growing 
through childhood. but my growth doesnt stop here i hope, but after reading through how i progressed through life as i scripted its relentlessly tiring yet exhillirating events, i have noticed i have not grown much at all. work is still a chore, and the girls oh all the girls do they keep my heart sore. i hopefully will lose the baggage of my past ending tonight by no longer using this blog. it will still be up as a reminder how i am just a child growing taller year by year.

tommorow will be a better day. i hope. hope is all anyone has left in this fast paced world

and to all the girls. i miss you, and most recently the most.

Wednesday

23.08.12

Blue, not the color but the blues
Shaking under the waist 'til the shoes
Fucking guts, I ain't got.
Should i rot, maybe not.
What's he got that i ain't got?
Maybe just the dollars
Im sure he ain't no killa
Acting like a fake baller
Prolly got issues like his father.

Tuesday

08.05 PM

To the remaining readers of this blog.

Have you ever felt haunted by the past? Not your own memories we're talking about.  But by the world in its entirety, just by the stories of old; by blurred sunny pictures of 1970's California, or by giant monuments built by Russian leaders left to rot in snowy mountains of Serbia. Shadowing our current state of mediocrity with former glory that we cannot even comprehend. While we sift through the remains of dead trends with our search engines and we rehear their old vinyl records searching for whatever feeling they must have felt when disco first emerged, we are embracing these ghosts. Reliving them as if there is no more to look forward to in the distant future. No more dreams of space travel, no more dreams of flying cars. It's with great disappointment and confusion that i realize this truth, our progress as creatures of a great and magnificent earth is slowly coming to a halt. 

To those who were there during the moon landing. How did it feel?
To have held your breath in the moment were man had triumphed over earth the first time?
Technology has achieved great things after those glorious moments, our race has prospered and became rich. We have everything now. 
We only lack the thrill, of knowing as creatures who were sent by god to rule this earth: "We had no boundaries". Our race is enjoying the spoils of countless ages of war, poverty, riots, racism, so on and so on. But it's not greed that craves us to want what they had in the past, its not nostalgia even.
It's the feeling of discovery. When knowledge does not require hours of reading and research but a simple type and click; we skip the wondrous event of discovery. The thought process we endure to reach our individuality. 
Our race. We consume; we are so used to receiving the good, we crave the bad. Just because the shadows of old were so glorious. We envy fighting the good fight, we envy the energy they had. We feed of the energy residue of wild bikers, hippies, first generation rappers, the whole works.
It's like sinking your feet on a broken wave, we still feel the ocean in our feet. But the peak of the wave is long gone.

Thursday

Money and The Chase

A man definitely should stick to what he knows best, being average at everything means someone somewhere will still be better than you in something. Unless you are average at being filthy rich that is. Sadly, I am terribly bad at being broke. Growing up we all learn some kind of basic skill of survival. Seeing how academically troubled I am; feeding myself became the only basic urge I needed to fulfill. With one leading to another I was working in a kitchen in paradise (some people call it that, personally I thought the place was a shit hole).