For the past few weeks i have been sad, no matter what activities i did in a day. I would end every day with a frown. I don't even what reason i should be sad anymore. I am a sore loser in this matter i suppose. I am dear friends with loss. I am accustomed to losing those matter to me. Even right now at this certain point, i am laughing to the mess i have became. I feel disgusted to how pathetic i am.
But this is fair payment for the happiness i felt for i have felt, for the happiness she had made. Every single day i woke up knowing we were in love was enough. The simplest of holding her hand would make my heart scream with joy. Now that i lack that privilege, by my own fault to add. I felt that i lost everything that had mattered to me. I guess that you do really don't know what you had till its gone.
In all of the mixed emotions of grief, my regret was what i did not do.That i did not listen to her.
That i did not appreciate her to the full extent.
That i did not spend enough time with her.
That i did not hold all the promises i had given to her.
That i did not make her smile like she used to.
That i did not properly said goodbye.
All i know, and all i would say if i had the chance is i miss you. I miss everything you are and everything you did. What i would miss the most are the little things. Like even if you had change your contacts the way your eyes would look at me will still be the same. The difference between our hand size made holding your hands perfect. How an hour felt like a second if we were caught up in talking. I would miss how impatient you are waiting for a car, and i would miss how defensive you are to the food you are eating. I would miss that we spend time together, and the world felt to cease in time.
I guess i don't really have anything to be sad about. She made me the happiest i ever felt.
It is only fair if i let go, at least she is happy.
